I’m so f*cking sad today.

Yesterday the news that Steven ‘tWitch’ Boss died by suicide hit me hard. I was devastated and angry.

tWitch was a freestyle hip hop dancer, choreographer, actor, television producer, and television personality. You may know him from So You Think You Can Dance, Magic Mike XXL or as the DJ and co-host of the Ellen DeGeneres Show.

From appearances Steven seemed to have it all. At 40, he had a successful career and a beautiful family with his wife and 3 kids.

His smile and positive energy was infectious.

The truth is that we have no idea of the pain behind someone’s smile.

My anger wasn’t directed at tWitch, I was angry at society and the lack of understanding or support for mental health.

I get angry when the reaction upon hearing that anyone died by suicide is to call them selfish.  Or go on and on about why because he had everything.

Illnesses such as depression, addiction, or trauma affects the brains ability to function.

There was a time in my life that I suffered…for about 5 years!

After many therapy sessions, group programs and medication, I’m happy to say that I rarely suffer bouts of depression today. Except when something like this happens.

I think of the pain he must have been in and all of a sudden I’m feeling that pain too.

Then I’m angry again because I remember all of the “reach out if you need…” offers.

Reaching out is not something that comes easy when you are depressed.

Here are some things to think about as we head into the holiday season…

  • Do you know anyone who suffers from mental health issues?
  • Or has suffered in the past?
  • How about that friend who lives alone and may not have family or friends to celebrate with?
  • Can you make a point of checking in on them?
  • Ask for a coffee/drink date before you head off on your holiday plans?
  • How about a few random phone calls to check in?
  • If someone is suffering, just listen. They don’t need you to fix it.

Yes, I’m sad today, but I’m also grateful that in general I remain happy and optimistic.

And, if you are in pain right now. PLEASE know that it gets better. In fact, I co-wrote a song about it.

I woke up feeling lost today
Like nothing’s gone my way
Everything, it seems so hard
But I’m striving every day
I’m trying I’m trying
Keep fighting and fighting
Deep within my soul
I’m breathing in intensity
And trying to keep control

Hold on.
Stay strong
Gotta believe.

It gets better
In your darkest days and your darkest nights
There’s light
It gets better
Whatever hurts and whenever lost you’ll find
All is temporary and I promise you’ll be fine
Nothing forever
It gets better.

My heart is beating silently what is that about?
I have the passion all the drive
I wanna burst out loud
My voice can be on firework to light up the whole sky
Maybe my words they will be heard
And change somebody’s life

Have pride
You’ll thrive.
Something’s coming.
I really really feel it coming

It gets better
In your darkest days and your darkest nights
There’s light
It gets better
Whatever hurts and whenever lost you’ll find
All is temporary and I promise you’ll be fine
Nothing forever
It gets better.

So be who you want to be
And live authentically

I promise you it really does get better.

Songwriters: Robert Kleiner, Daniella Watters, Diane Foy, Alizee Falque, Rena Malkah, Alleshia Inverary, Meital Azulay